Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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