Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
