I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Rumble strips road head = magical
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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