Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
