i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
