someone get that fucking seahorse.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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