Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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