I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
