Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
