My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
