I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
