Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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