You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
