Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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