my mouth tastes like poor choices
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
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i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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