The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
