the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
