Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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