I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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