well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Holy shit dude........stairs
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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