...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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