Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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