i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
