It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
