dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
