i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
