its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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