My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
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She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
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tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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