if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
