I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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