Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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