he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
