EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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