Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
