every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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