Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
