My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
