Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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