What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
