His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
