I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I queefed so loud it echoed.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
