I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
