It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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