I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
