We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The struggles of a small town man whore
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
