What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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