My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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