We're like a lot better than the average bears
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Randomize
