I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
