im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I have post one night stand depression
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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