i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
