Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
