I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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