Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
