I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
