Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Who died my cat blue again?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
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