Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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