My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
