Please, let me fuck your mom
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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