blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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