the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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