i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
