Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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