Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
