Plan B is the new Plan A
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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