she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
