Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
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Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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