her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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