That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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