you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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