Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
