im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
did you just send me my own nude
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
