Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
